What Your Beach Accessory Says About You

Beach chair: You pay your taxes on time.

Camp chair: You have a “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” bumper sticker.

No chair: You don’t remember where you were on election night, 2016.

Beach towel: You started the beach trip group chat.

Bath towel: You muted the beach trip group chat.

Umbrella: The last thing you googled was, “How to keep beach umbrella from blowing away, easy.”

Beach tent: It took you two hours to get a tiny human here. You’ll be lucky if you stay 20 minutes.

Sunscreen SPF 30: You say things like, “It’s probably just me…” but it’s never just you.

Sunscreen SPF 75: You wore sneakers to the beach.

Tanning oil: You have a favorite Margaritaville.

Bucket and pail: You’re a toddler about to make an epic sand creation.

Bucket and shovel: You’re an exhausted dad about to dig an insanely deep hole and plead with your kids, “For the love of god, just stay in here!”

Cooler: Your catchphrase is, “Don’t threaten me with a good time!”

Floppy hat: You’ve asked someone to take a “candid” photo of you.

Bucket hat: You’re either a trendy teenage girl or an adorable old man.

Visor: Sadly, the high school volleyball team you coach didn’t make it to Regionals this year. Next year’s freshmen look promising, though!

Tote bag of toys: You could write a doctoral dissertation on the archetypal sibling relationship between Bluey and Bingo Heeler.

Football: The last thing you googled was, “How to stop acne, easy.”

American flag: If anyone asks, you don’t remember where you were on January 6th, 2021.

College flag: You majored in beer pong and networking.

Pirate flag: You’re not into labels, but you and the woman dousing herself in tanning oil have been in a civil union for 40 years.

Bluetooth speaker: You’re the most hated person on the beach.

Guitar: The last thing you googled was, “How to get girl have sex, easy.” Also, you’re the new, most hated person on the beach. Congrats!



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