Do You like SEO, bro?
No, but do you really like SEO? This is my favorite thing.
When I think about SEO, I literally lose my mind. Like, do you know what SEO means?
Search. engine. Customization.
See, I think of search engines as this buxom blonde I run into in the hotel lobby, right? We start talking to each other. I use some cheesy one-liners, but they think I’m doing it in an ironic way, so they politely laugh even though they want to turn me away.
It turns out the search engine has some time to kill, so we make our way to the hotel bar and start drinking a bit. Search engines and I get along well. They really know a lot about me! Like my mom’s maiden name and my first elementary school’s name—it’s pretty crazy.
Our banter is so loud; I swear there wasn’t a single awkward pause, which is really rare for me because I get a little worried when talking to a search engine I want to optimize for.
Maybe it was the drinks or the laughter, but the search engine invited me back to their room, and now I get excited because I know what it means when you get invited to a search engine’s hotel room.
We make our way up to the penthouse suite, and it’s massive. I have never seen such a nice hotel room in my life. I mean, the suite has two sinks in the bathroom! and an additional safe in the closet.
I start talking about how nice the room is, and the search engine can tell I’m getting a little distracted by the amenities, so they start pointing me to the bed. And that’s when I start optimizing.
Man, I just can’t stop customizing sometimes, you know?
And sure enough, after two, three, four rounds of optimization, the search engine is hooked.
But wouldn’t you know it? I am associated with search engines.
We start meeting together during the day. Walks in the park, vintage bookstores, farmers’ markets—we’re really falling for each other, you know?
Now, is this whole relationship based on customization only? I mean, the customization is great, but it’s turned into too much.
We even start getting our friend groups together. And wouldn’t you know it? They really start to hit it off! We’re having game nights and dinner parties. A friend of mine has also started optimizing one of the friends for search engines. Bing and Paul are getting married in the spring, and we’re both giving speeches!
Everything is nice and simple.
As the years go by, our lives become more and more tangled up and domesticated. I can’t optimize the search engine that much…
And that’s fine!
It’s not really about optimization…
But shouldn’t it be something about optimization? I mean, I used to optimize for search engines for hours at a time.
what happened to that? Is that phase of our life really over?
And soon, our crazy nights of customization seem like a distant memory. Who knows how long it’s even been at this point?
Search engines are not so optimized nowadays; They don’t even seem to be the same search engine anymore.
And the search engine knows something is wrong because I’m not as touchy as before. I’m not talking much, and the emotional distance is palpable.
One day when he touched me, I was shocked. It was more a reaction than a conscious thought, and I thought I could play it off like I was shocked, but alas, the damage was done.
The search engine signed us up for tech support, which was silly to me. I mean, if we need technical support, don’t you think this relationship is already doomed?
So, I’m not very open during sessions, and the search engine is getting frustrated, pointing out to the tech support guy, “You see what I’m dealing with.”
And I could see him clearly, so I finally said, “Why don’t you talk about our adaptation issues?”
And the search engines cry out to me and ask, “Do you care about optimization?”
I knew they would, and it’s like, what’s the point of sharing my feelings if you’re just going to yell at me?
And now I’m angry, so I say, “Yeah. Do you think you were anything other than adapting?”
And as soon as I said it, I knew it was something I couldn’t take back.
So the search engine stands up to collect their bag, but before they turn to leave, they look me in the eye and say, “Maybe you should focus on adapting to change.” “
I love SEO, man!