A statutory warning ahead of Valentine’s Day

i want you to be my carrot and my turnip
The taste of snow apple in spring and watermelon in summer
i want to melt you in a cup
like crystalline molecules
sweeten my tea
use as you would white vinegar
for my jar of pickled ginger,
lime, and hot green pepper
i want you to be my everything
or i don’t want you at all

Songs, movies, and Valentine’s Day, which is just around the corner, have convinced us that this is the only story around the notion of true love. This perfect soulmate who fulfills all our wishes. Like a singular key that unlocks the front door, all the closets inside, the car, the bar cabinet, and our bank locker. It should be with us even on holidays, to be indifferent to attractive members of the human race and not to fall asleep by the pool after three beers.

To continue this tale of great romance, most end at a point that should be considered a beginning. Jack is killed aboard Titanic before Rose finds out that she picked her nose in bed. And Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge ends with Simran running for Raj at the train station. If this continues, they will have to show us scenes in which the couple return in the same train to meet their father, with their three kids in tow, Raj eating batata vada while looking at his phone and Simran looking condescending. rolling her eyes. Prem, after all, mirrors his fictional version as much as Gandhiji resembles Anupam Kher.

Illustration credit: Chad Crow

To demonstrate what really happens in this ‘Illu Illu’ business, let’s start where the movies end. In an effort to grab your attention, I’m going to recruit two stock characters, Sharmaji’s son and our beloved bathroom singer. You can change their gender and pronouns as you wish, but our plot remains more or less the same. Since we are competing with movies, we have a stirring soundtrack as well.

1 | Stupid Love – Lady Gaga
As soon as Sharmaji’s son swipes right on our singer, a chemical storm starts in his mind. Sharma Jr. puts up a hastily printed selfie in front of a zoom screen to fool HR and spends all his time texting his new girlfriend. On the other hand, she can’t think of new ideas for her influencer marketing gig. For her reels, she reveals she only wants to cast Lady Gaga, ‘All I Wanted Is Love. I want your stupid love.’

For most couples, this stage can last from six months to two years and neurology professor Lucy Brown refers to this as the suspension of negative judgment. This is the state where no defects are visible, not even in the stars. Unable to separate and because his mother and his uncle will not allow them to be together, they go away and get themselves a partially sponsored, destination wedding.

2 | Give Me Love – Ed Sheeran
She begins to notice how he purses his lips, as if sucking on an invisible straw, while refusing to come with her to the plant nursery. He is upset that she rejected his idea of ​​watching all the Golmaal movies over the weekend. There are only four of them after all! He doesn’t like the way Biryani is made. He starts giving her weight loss tips. She locks herself in the bathroom and wails, ‘Give me love!’ Full volume, when in the clear, she learns that not only does she have to prepare her quarterly audit report, but she hates Ed Sheeran.

3 | You have lost that loving feeling – Righteous Brother
Our Influencer is spending more time with his girlfriends. Sharma Jr. keeps warning her that she is being reckless and should only meet him at outdoor places. He gets Covid. passes him. He shouts, ‘You gave me the virus!’ She yells back, ‘At least, I gave you something! When was the last time you gave me something?’ In revenge, he deletes her favorite playlist. He’s tired of her game, ‘you’ve lost that loving feeling’ anyway. They decide to live separately in the same house. Most couples definitely reach here sometime or the other. Some live permanently.

4 | Love Me Again – John Newman
If Sharma Jr. and our bathroom singers decide to truly introspect, seek therapy, or listen to Esther Perel podcasts on a regular basis, they’ll realize that love isn’t what Poor Watan is led to believe. has been inspired. Ready to jump over this hurdle, our bathroom singer begins to make her way, ‘Now I’m rising from the ground, rising above you, filled with the strength I’ve found, something like There is nothing that I cannot do.

This unfortunately derails some of the progress he has made as his voice is rather gravelly. But Sharma Jr. now knows that he cannot expect his partner to be perfect in all aspects as he once thought was imperative. They have learned to recognize that love has nothing to do with the pursuit of perfection. In its simplest form, it is a relationship built on empathy. Love is finding someone who accepts you as a flawed being. A bond is formed with someone who is aware of your damaged parts, and connects you back to their heart even after you rub against jagged edges.

In turn, the bathroom singer gets an important revelation. He learns that his companion cannot be a spoonful of sugar and a jar of vinegar. Nor can he transform into watermelon, carrot and apple of ice when the occasion demands. He is a turnip and he must accept that he will always be so.



The views expressed above are the author’s own.

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