Women are not asking for the moon. Our wishlists have always been more grounded. In 2016 and what feels like a lifetime ago, I wrote an article on 10 gadgets women desperately need. These include high heels that fall flat and our sanitary pads that have an alarm that will alert us of impending overflow. I also made a public appeal to Elon Musk around the world to pay attention. But Musk, along with his billionaire friends, decided to invest his time and money in a phallic-shaped rocket and went on a joy ride into space. Despite the wings, our sanitary pads have remained on terra firma ever since. However, like the average Indian voter who remains hopeful despite no visible signs of progress, I refuse to give up.
Here I am back with a simple list of what women need to get through the festive season (not to reach full equality; I leave that to more brilliant minds than mine).
1 | rose tinted glasses
These are glasses with built-in filter apps that airbrush the thin, long jaws and pouty lips of our acquaintances to recognize the people we’re used to interacting with online. Recently, a rare friend I met in person was showing me a picture and said,
Look how fresh we all look in this
Photo, what a cool filter!’ They
Looked really refreshing, it’s unfortunate they ended up looking too Caucasian.
2 | phone with inbuilt darts
Use judiciously on those uncles who call you ‘beta’ and then drape their nets over your bare midsection while pretending to take group photos. A small amount of horse tranquilizer can calm even the more dangerous animals.
3 | grumbling mask
Mask with Alexa built-in speaker, in our voice, not Amitabh Bachchan’s. ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight’ or ‘I love your bag’ and even, ‘What a lovely outfit, is that Manish Malhotra?’ to this virtual assistant? Like will be programmed to speak imperative statements.
4 | a weighing machine lying flat
Part of my original wish-list, it’s needed even more after a year and a half of sitting within five feet of our refrigerators and pretending banana chips count toward the recommended 2-4 servings of fruit a day. Is.
5 | steam beam
Just as he feels a fleshy hand reaching for the samosa on the buffet table, a blast of steam is released, forcing the perpetrator to jerk his appendage back and use a serving spoon instead Is.
6 | earrings with earpods
Used to lower the volume and mute people during our Zoom interactions, these noise-canceling ear pods can mute annoying people and add a layer of security to our sense of humor.
7 | an ink spewing ring
It is reserved for the impeccably dressed people of society, who not only pay attention to every detail about your outfit but also the fact that you made the biggest difference by repeating the same outfit at the last Diwali party. Made a mistake. A little nudge and a spray of blue ink can create a Rorschach image on their bountiful bottoms.
8 | Anti Gravity Cholis
So we don’t have to stick painful tape or rely on our backless cholis and blouses to keep everything in place.
9 | Trivia Cashew Katli
Consume one and you will no longer believe the New York Times published a picture of Modi on its front page with the headline, ‘Earth’s last, best hope’ or, for that matter, the claim that Apple’s iPhone 13 is different from iPhone 12.
10 | pocket
As rare as bobcat sightings are, pockets in dresses and slacks are so illogical that once I posted a picture of myself walking with my left hand in my flowered dress pocket, I got over a dozen comments wondering what am i doing Did it with my own hands. One follower even asked if I had met with an accident and had to undergo amputation. Pockets are mandatory in men’s clothing. They have so many that they had to come up with a pocket square as a garment detail just to fill one, while the ladies are left holding the bag, both literally and figuratively.
We will get by without all the other inventive ways this festive season, but at least give us pockets. In our kurtas and salwars. In our sarees and skirts. Place to hide mask, phone, credit cards. Keep your hands somewhere instead of touching the railing and then your face. Let our hands be free to hold beverages and hold our naughty kids. We are not asking for some great invention, just a simple box sewn into our clothes. Or will the concept of hands-free be reserved only for those with rockets in their pockets?
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